Thou Shall Not Passport!

For the vast majority of adult citizens of the United States of America, a copy of a birth certificate and a valid driver's license are sufficient identification to obtain a passport. I, apparently, am not part of the vast majority.

I got a letter today - the State Department will not process my passport application without more information. They require:

• Photocopies of at least three forms of ID that are more than 5 years old (old driver's licenses, old tax documents, etc).
  
• The names, addresses, phone numbers, place and date of birth for all my immediate kin
  
• Name, address, and attendance dates of every school I've ever attended
  
• Name, address, and telephone number for every employer I've had in the past decade
  
• Complete address of every residence I've had in the past decade.
  
• Contact information for two references that have known me for at least 5 years
  

No reason was given for the request. I called, and the polite person on the phone said, "I'm sorry, they don't tell us why. The best I can advise you is to fill out the forms and send them back." I'd have been happy with a simple, "Sorry, we mangled your birth certificate in processing, and it is probably easier for you to give us all this instead of trying to get a new copy of your birth certificate". But they're mum as to why.

As far as I'm aware, I've never done anything to get onto the State Department's radar. I have no criminal record. I have one traffic ticket. I have never taken part in demonstrations, never been on strike. Nothing. I'm squeaky clean. All I want is to have an easy time getting off a Disney cruise line boat while on my honeymoon. Is that too much to ask?

I occasionally joke about conspiracies. If large men in dark suits wearing earpieces and sunglasses come to your door and start asking weird questions about your association with me, don't say I didn't warn you...