ursangnome

Dear Rhizome Propagating Bastages,

Apparently our last encounter was insufficient to deliver the message. Please allow me to reiterate:

You are a sessile leafy organism. While you are, of course, the result of hundreds of millions of years of successful herbaceous evolution, that does not prevent you from being an eyesore, and a long-term maintenance burden upon my domicile.

I, in contrast, am an ape-descended mammal with opposable thumbs and more time on my hands than good sense in my head. In addition, current circumstances leave me with a good use for physical exertion as a form of stress relief, and a certain atavistic desire to prove the size of my... shovel... to myself, my mate and neighboring primates. I believe I have made it abundantly clear that noontime temperatures in excess of 95 degrees Fahrenheit will not serve as an effective deterrent to my pursuing your removal as a proxy for actual accomplishment and success in other areas of my life.

Please keep this, and the fact that my species has been aptly described as "rapacious", in mind as you contemplate your options going forward.

Sincerely,
The Management